Galaxy Federal Police M510: Emergency Order Defeat the Metroid of the planet Zebeth and destroy the mother brain, the mechanical life vein Ancestral Planet Adrift in space with no hope My power core long ruined This shall be where I perish My fate is sealed, dont help me wow wow wow wow Major Tom to Ground Control I am stepping through the gate Major Tom to Ground Control wow wow wow wow Lets Go Morph Ball Missile Space Jump Crash landed on some planet Amongst some ruined rubble I recognize these symbols Could this be where my people Lived amongst the stars? Where are they now? I must learn more Can I find home? The air is toxic to me Bacteria makes its way inside My vital signs are dropping Better find, a way, to help, before, before, before, before I cant feel my mind Cant escape You wont break away Run and hide You wont escape here alive. Where are the Chozo? My friends My family in space Metroid Prime but my zipper keeps falling down Fuck! DaBaby: DaMusical I’m the baby fuckin Metroid goo goo gee I just woke up to find this tall bitch looking down at me, She doesn’t look like my mama but Fuck I’m Hun-gr-y! I better follow her so I can get some snackies (fucking snackies) I’m a fucking Metroid Engi- neered to kill, I was cre- -ated by Chozo who fuckin split for real, But now I’m here with my mama She knows the fucking deal, You know that me and her are gonna be In- Sep-a-ra-bille (Spoken interlude) Samus: “Hey Galactic Federation?” Scientist: “yeah what’s up Samus” Samus: “I brought you the last Metroid. Galaxy is at peace, shitheads.”) (Spaceship flying off sfx) DaBaby: FUCK YOU MOM YOU LEFT MY ASS IN A JAR?! You left me here on a colony Then went out to a bar?! We were just about to bond, I was like four hours old, I knew you were a bounty hunter but that’s fucking cold Now I’m stuck in this capsule, nerds sticking me and prodding me, You let me out I’ll give your ass a Fucking lobotomy Stealing my DNA for clones that ain’t equal I bet that detail won’t come up again in a sequel?! (Galactic federation scientist: Oh shit, the space station is under attack! Oh fuck– it’s Ridley!!) DaBby: Oh shit - who’s this purple Dinosaur? It’s like if Barney were the CFO Of dumb-fuck store rams his tail through a scientist, fucking hella gore, He’s like (Ridley:) “you wanna ditch these nerds and be a pirate?” (Dababy:) “SURE” (DaBaby) So now he’s fucking up these scientists left and right But OH SHIT it’s my mama and she’s Here to fight She’s like (Samus:) “Ridley you fuck, I thought I Killed you, right?” But then he grabs me and suddenly we yeet off in the night (explosion) As I look back and watch this exploding colony I think back to my mama And the day she said (Samus:) “follow me!” She could have let a thousand Monsters fuckin swallow me, But she cared for me She was there for me (Spoken:) Man, I hope she’s ok… (Samus, spoken:) “Samus Aran, Ship’s log. After escaping the Galactic Federation colony, I initiated pursuit of that fuckwit Ridley, who stole the Baby Metroid. I’ve tracked them back to Planet Zebes [Zeh-biss]. Zebes [Zee-bis]? Still fuzzy on that. Anyway, I can only imagine what evil scheme the Space Pirates are planning for that little guy…” (DaBaby:) So I’m just chilling on Tourian, Lots of time to kill - Likely One to seven hours Based on player skill I thought being a pirate meant shit like Boats all day But as soon as I get here (Ridley): “let’s see that DNA” (DaBaby:) FUCK are we really on this shit again? Sure, you sprung me outta prison, but you ain’t my friend! Look, I’ll give you my samples you little Dino-twat, But yo I’m hungry as Fuck So WHERE MY SNACKIES AT?! Ridley (Spoken): ok ok I brought you some side-hoppers. Like, Bon appetit I guess? DaBaby: (spoken): shit yeah Side-hoppers: (spoken, terrified) what are you gonna do to us? DaBaby: (spoken) it’s feedin’ time, dick weed! (Brain-sucking sidehopper screams of agony) DaBaby: (spoken) oh shit. I killed it. But… damn. I feel alive! I FEEL FUCKING ALIVE!!” (sounds of all the sidehoppers getting devoured) I’m a motherfucking Metroid trained to kill You put a sucka in fronta me and yeah I FUCKING WILL, I’ll suck ya Brains out your eyeballs, you step on my land? You’ll get a (Metroid whoop SFX/ screech sfx) your fuckin Ass is sand! LET’S GO I got a motherfucking Thirst for blood inside of me It frightens me but hunger Growing endlessly inside of me I need to feed I can’t believe The thoughts that swirl inside of me Oh shit inside of me Get your fucking ass inside of me (Samus shouts: “STOP!!”) (Silence) Spoken: DaBaby: “mama?” Samus (weak): “yes, baby” DaBaby: “you…. Came back for me?” Samus: “yes… I killed basically an entire planet’s ecosystem to find you” Dababy: “…” (screech sfx) Mother Brain: “WELL WELL, IF IT ISN’T SAMUS ARAN YOU’RE JUST IN TIME TO WITNESS MY DELECTABLE PLAN YOUR MISSILES CAN’T TOUCH ME. YOUR BEAMS? NOT A FLINCH. I’LL GIVE YOU A (swipe sfx) SMACK YOU DOWN LIKE A BITCH (Mother Brain laughs maniacally (“ohohoho!”), charges her laser) DaBaby: I’m not gonna let you hurt mama I’m not gonna let you hurt mama I’m not gonna let you hurt mama Fuck you I won’t let you hurt mama Fuck you I won’t let you hurt mama Fuck you I won’t let you hurt mama FUCK YOU I WON’T LET YOU HURT MAMAAAAAAAAAArrrrrghghhhhh!!! (fight sounds between mother brain and DaBaby) (Mother Brain: “You Little Shit! Get a load of THIS!”) (laser and DaBaby death sfx) Samus, spoken: "As I fled the exploding planet Zeh-biss -- Zee-bs? -- my only thought was why the Baby Metroid gave its life to save mine. I guess I'll never really know..." Skamus Aran Metroid, Samus, Metroid, Samus, Pick It Up (x4) Metroid Metroid Metroid, Rawr, Rrrr grrr rawr Metro(id) I'm alone, sitting in my hunter-class My morph ball, guiding me to my path When the Zebes four were slain, I went after Mother Brain And you were waiting there, draining all her energy I remember searching over distant worlds I was hoping you might save mankind I’m a warrior who travels through the galaxy Fighting all the Metroids You were swiped; taken from the Ceres lab I pursued, and narrowly escaped the blast Ridley waited at Norfair Kraid inside his Brinstar lair Oh, I can see them now; pirates terrorizing space I remember the Draygon falling by my hand The specter Phantoon and its eye I remember the night I ran through Tourian Fighting all the Metroids I remember a feeling coming over me When you were hatching from your egg I was shocked when you imprinted onto me Fighter of the Metroids I'm alone, back inside my hunter-class A close call, fleeing the planet’s grasp With a glowing Hyper Beam, we defeated Mother Brain ‘Cause you were at my side, giving up your life for me I remember searching over distant worlds I was hoping you might save mankind But I’m carrying onward in the memory Of the final Metroid Ridley on the Roof Yar Kraid... there are so many delicious people for me to devour. I realize, of course, it's selfish for me to slaughter them so I can be reborn of blood, but I'm a fucking pirate and I don't care! And would it be so terrible if I could eat that pesky little Bounty Huntress? Yo ho ho ho... If I could eat Samus Zebes Zebes Zebes Zebes Zebes Zebes Zebes Zeebs All day long I'd sail the seven seas I could eat her flesh, oh Kraid-el-aidel please If I could eat Samus I could be reborn Drinking blood and crushing bones and watching children mourn, yar! If I could eat Samus, I would never die. Listen to the screams as I rain terror from the sky-del-idle- I could kill her family, stopping all their breath. Would you ask for less from the Cunning God of Death [Anonymous voice]: Oh, God Damn it Ridley, stop stomping on the fucking roof! Just a little quiet, From the Space Pirates, So sing about your diet, Somewhere fucking private [Pirate chorus]: Kraid-el Kraid-el Kraid-el, Let's kill them in their sleep Kraid-el Kraid-el Kraid-el, Their kidneys we will keep. Kraid-el Kraid-el Kraid-el, We'll fill their lives with pain, And when we are all finished, Feed the rest to Mother Brain, Yar!